I turn 28 on Saturday.

28!!

In 5 days.

I’m supposed to be jumping for joy and planning crazy celebratory drinkfests but I’ve barely been able to acknowledge the day, let alone make any plans for it.

It’s been a humbling year and I can’t see any reason to go balls-out about inching so close to 30. What the hell is wrong with turning 30 anyway?! I (thought I) was ready! I used to scoff at folks freaking out about their 30th. SCOFF!

But here I am. Two years away and already wigging out. Something about this age-range makes me feel so unready for everything. It’s like, all of the life lessons learned so far actually make sense, yet they don’t make me feel particularly “wiser.”

Ugh.

At this point I’m just ready for the new year, to wipe the slate clean and to move forward.

Speaking of, did I ever mention that Cris briefly popped back up in my life? You know — “HazelEyes?” (Side note: please somebody stab me if I ever decide to give people ridiculous fucking nicknames again.) For those who are uninitiated, he was the man I pined over for something like a decade. Given the fact that we are not together, you can probably surmise that dramatics ensued. And as much as I should run away — not walk — from anything to do with that man, I’m glad he re-appeared. Because I finally got the truth from his own mouth and then I legitimately let it all go.

Closure?

I like it.

Oh, and the woman responsible for the horrendous rumor mill that began in the 8th grade? The same rumor mill that led me to eat under school stairwells for three years, instead of the cafeteria, for fear of running into bullies? The same one that caused my pretty severe social anxiety?

Well, she sent me an apology through Facebook. The fact that I didn’t recognize the name as soon as I read it means that a) I’ve moved on and b) I’ve done it well. Moreover, the fact that she was apologizing, 15 years after the fact, means that it wasn’t just all in my head. That it wasn’t me just overreacting or being snively or weak. I’ve long ago forgiven her but I’ve always worried that the severity of the situation was more imaginary than real. And now I know.

I’ve yet to respond,  since I just don’t know what to say. But the apology meant more to me than I thought it would. Even 15 years later.

These are two of the most noteworthy things to happen in my personal life this year. The rest? I just don’t care to get into.

I think I’ll continue to reflect on things quietly. Just the way I like it.