The Heart of the Matter
Posted by Deutlich on November 13th, 2009 | Filed under: UncategorizedI still think of him. Almost daily.
It’s been a year and a half since I professed my feelings to him. Through email. Because he lives six states north of here.
And I still think of him. Far too often.
It’s a complete mix of feelings. The twinge of deep regret. The relentless embarrassment. The entirely too strong desire.
Some days my cheeks turn a bright shade of pink for being so foolish. Other days my lungs fill with rage over being misled.
Either way, I still think of him.
It’d been a long, long time since my interest was peaked so ferociously. He was sparkly and witty and kind and funny and beautiful. He was flawed and insensitive and selfish and sometimes petty.
He was intriguing and could sing and strum the guitar. Attributes I’ve always found intoxicating.
Perhaps I was blinded by rose-colored glasses. Maybe I’d come to know him too well. Or maybe I’d come to know him far too little.
But I wanted him more than I’d wanted anything.
And I still think of him.
November 13th, 2009 at 8:19 am
Sniffle.
I’m sorry, dude.
Me too, hon. Me too.
November 13th, 2009 at 9:33 am
That feeling… yeah. I know it well, too.
It gnaws.
I hope for you that some day soon, it gets laid to rest.
I appreciate that. I seriously hope it gets laid to rest soon too. It’s just exhausting.
November 13th, 2009 at 9:42 am
Thank you for your honesty. Most of the time, I feel like an idiot for letting my heart be so deceived. Logically, it happens to us all, but it’s easy to forget that we all experience these emotions, because they’re often to embarrassing or painful to mention.
God, don’t even get me started on how often I’ve felt like a COMPLETE tool because of some jacked up shit my heart decided to go through. Ugh. Just ugh.
November 13th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Reading this took my breath away. I’ve had that same feeling for over seven years. Even though I’m married now, and I’m pretty sure he’s married, too, I still think of him more than I care to admit.
It’s almost funny how some people just leave their “mark” and with others it’s hard to even remember their names .
November 13th, 2009 at 10:27 am
I hate love.
But, I LOVE love.
So.Do.I. Such a necessary evil. Truly.
November 13th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Its always interesting in retrospect on how well we know someone…
I play a wicked air guitar, so prepare to swoon!!!
And gorgeous blue (green?) eyes to accompany that wicked air guitar. *rowr*
November 13th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Aah, I wish more than anything to cure your pain, and mine too.
When you find a remedy, let me know!
November 13th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
I feel your pain on this. So much more than you can know.
November 13th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
I wonder how many people in the world can relate to this post? Probably thousands.. maybe millions. Although that should provide some comfort, I’m sure it doesn’t.
November 15th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
i have a similar situation that i look back on daily with regret, that if only i did this or this or this differently it would have turned out the way i wanted it to.
it stinks. i know how you feel.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
I’ve learned to get really good at changing my mind; thinking about other things. But even so, still get haunted.
November 17th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Damn those musicians. They’ll get under your skin for sure.
December 6th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
i’m sorry to say i can relate to this. it’s been a little over a year now..