Single 2.0
Posted by Deutlich on June 18th, 2009 | Filed under: UncategorizedA couple weeks ago I bitched about being single by proclaiming that it’s all them and not me. Because I’m obviously fabulous. And by them I mean, well, THEM.
All of them.
And after I finished my handy work, I sat down and grinned because surely I fooled everybody! You know, since all of those things were “obviously” correct. But let’s get real. They didn’t actually paint the whole picture.
Ya see. I am scared shitless of the “dating scene”. I don’t even really understand what the hell dating means. Is it a succession of going out to places that involve food and libations? Is it that period in which you bump uglies with said person while wondering if he or she’s doing the deed with others because things hadn’t been written in stone? Is it the process after something was cemented in a verbal agreement?
Is it all three? Parts of it? None of it?
For fuck’s sake just thinking about it makes me dizzy.
I like to act as though I’ve got this super thick skin but at the end of the day there are some things that just cut me deep. Rejection is pretty much at the top of this list. Any kind of rejection. From almost anybody.
I hate it. By a LOT. And it makes my head all spinny and forces my stupid eyes to cry stupid tears and then I feel like a dumb nearly-thirty-year-old.
The fuck?
Now I know that part of the problem is that I’d actually need to meet somebody to date them. I know. I’m not sure where the logic is in that either.
But where in the shit am I supposed to meet people? Specifically non-creepy, easy-on-the-eyes, dark-haired, light-eyed folks that know how to work with their hands, think on their feet and make me laugh all at the same time.
Ok, so that part about the eyes isn’t that important.
Except maybe a little.
June 18th, 2009 at 6:44 am
I just became single after five years and I sort of feel like someone threw me into a ring with lions and wished me good luck. In other news, I am of no help.
Oh .. shit. I want to come down there and give you hugs and feed you liquor and watch funny movies about how stupid men are while devouring pints of ice cream.
What?
Cliche?
Says who?
June 18th, 2009 at 6:45 am
but you’re a SEXY nearly almost 30 year-old. dating is a stupid word btw.
just go with the flow. join a club, a dating website (that’s how i met my awesomeness) or whatever. flirt up a storm at the grocery store and shit. just don’t fuck ‘em in public. that’s frowned upon……in america.
silly Americans! and honestly? I am a whee bit scared of those dating websites. And a whee bit too broke for it. Stupid money.
June 18th, 2009 at 6:45 am
If you figure out where they are, please…let me know.
It’s a promise.
June 18th, 2009 at 6:46 am
damn it! i was almost number one. i suck as a best friend.
except not
I was gonna say – YOU TAKE THAT BACK MISSY! haha
June 18th, 2009 at 7:08 am
I go to the clubs and wait for the song “Single Ladies” so I can find me some friends.
Seriously, all of my friends jump from relationship to relationship and are afraid to be single. I’m enjoying my single hood, but motherfucker I have no one to share it wish.
fuuuuuuuuck.
Well, except for Jack Daniels and Jim Beam. Jose Cuervo sometimes too.
Yeah. well.. I’ve been single for the majority of the last 5 years. I’m over it.
June 18th, 2009 at 7:11 am
Where to meet guys? Answer: anywhere and nowhere. I don’t know if that makes any sense. There isn’t one particular place they are all hiding or only one place they can be found. I struggled with that question for a long time.
But then it just happens. Again, not sure if I’m making any sense.
And please don’t ever change for any man. You are an awesome lady and don’t doubt yourself.
Oh, don’t worry. The day I change to catch a SO is the day pigs fly.
June 18th, 2009 at 7:13 am
Even with dating sites, finding a good one is like looking for the proverbial needle in the haystack. At for me it was. All the good ones either 1). lived too far away or 2). were married. But eventually I found a good one, and it was all worth it.
Are you saying you met her through a dating site or just randomly?
June 18th, 2009 at 7:15 am
The book store! I’m telling you. The book store.
Now that actually sounds like some sound advice. Oddly enough.
June 18th, 2009 at 7:18 am
The eyes part is Definately important
Totally agreed.
June 18th, 2009 at 7:26 am
One thing about me is that I’m scared shitless too! About everything. Being alone, being with someone, dating, not dating. It’s a lose/lose. Dating totally sucks because there are so many games involved. I suggest, if possible, find the person who plays the least games and stick with it. You’ll be happier in the end.
It’s actually finding said person that I’m having such difficulties with. Totally lame.
June 18th, 2009 at 7:27 am
I don’t do dating.
It makes no sense to me whatsoever.
Ditto.
June 18th, 2009 at 7:29 am
Actually I did meet my fiance through a dating site. But it was also kind of random, too. She saw my picture, said I looked like some one she knew, we started talking, and it just went from there.
Aww, that’s so cool.
June 18th, 2009 at 7:29 am
I was recently given tips on how to meet men from a late 20-something male colleague who still lives at home with his parents. Despite my polite replies of “no really, I’m not interested in speed dating/salsa lessons/ultimate frisbee.”
I’m speechless. Truly.
June 18th, 2009 at 7:30 am
i think the person you’re looking for is the same person i’m looking for . . .
when we both figure out who that is, we might have to fight.
(girl fight? that’d be kinda hot.)
yess! CHICK FIGHT!
June 18th, 2009 at 7:35 am
I had a hard time with rejection too. here’s what helped: I told myself being that girl that everyone wanted all the time was completely unrealistic. That girl does not exist in the real world. Doesn’t matter how many times you see her in the movies or in novels, or how many times you meet an incarnation of her in your life.. she is not real, because being loved by everyone all the time is not possible.
I know I’m amazing.. but thinking I’m so revolutionary I could be her is taking it kinda far… don’t you think? So then, I told myself.. you’re still pretty fabulous. Some people are gonna get it, some people won’t, and anyone you’ve got to do extra work to get to appreciate you is not worth it.
See how I did that? It works really well. Now I really don’t give a shit about people who don’t want me, cause I’m still fabulous. And so are you. It’s their loss. Not yours.
You’re sweet.
June 18th, 2009 at 7:35 am
I feel you on this. Though I do recommend fishing with dynamite.
Hmm… I think that could work!
June 18th, 2009 at 7:36 am
Not that I have any answers at all, or have an right to dole out advice, hell, my love life is the biggest mess you have ever seen. BUT…
best places to meet men are in a kickball league (at least I have that much figured out) and my newest plan is the dog park. There are cute boys there, but I haven’t actually spoken more then 10 words to any of them.
that bit about the kickball league all kinds of made me giggle because I know some folks who’ve met other folks that way. Hmm.
June 18th, 2009 at 7:37 am
can i please join the club? i don’t understand anything about dating…
Oh of course!
June 18th, 2009 at 7:43 am
I just, and I mean JUST, wrote about this same issue. What the fuck even is a date any more? I really don’t get it and I’m tired of trying to.
Also, I only attract men who are either creepy, emotionally disturbed, married, or all of the above. What is it about me that screams, “Please come up behind me and lick my neck. I really really like that”? No. Stop it. All of you.
Dude, I hope you kicked the shit out of his shin for that stunt
June 18th, 2009 at 7:46 am
I have never really dated anyone, as in still wondering at the 4th or 5th date if it could really work. So I have no idea how it all works or what the secret is.
But I totally second Marie: no changing allowed.
Wait wait wait. Now I’m all worried I implied I was going to change.. because I soooooooooo am not. I promise. PROMISE.
June 18th, 2009 at 7:49 am
Meeting people is so hard. Just don’t ever change for anyone, you are fantastic just as you are.
Fortunately, that’s one of the things I do know. The whole not changing bit. It doesn’t actually help anything. Yanno?
June 18th, 2009 at 7:56 am
The notion of having to date all over again is enough for my to marry the dead raccoon I passed on the way to work this morning. Whatever it takes….
I support this notion.
June 18th, 2009 at 8:14 am
dude. i honestly don’t know where to meet guys in this area other than online (or at bars, i guess? except… yeah. that’s worked out SO WELL for me in the past). i got bored after 6 months on match, but it DID at least lead to a lot of dates, which i think is kind of important to keep you “out there.” (also, i justified the cost as 1 month costing less than a night out for a few drinks. that trade off seemed more than fair.)
I wish this shit wasn’t so freakin’ hard. yanno?
June 18th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Where should a guy looking for a gal like you go? Try that place first.
I SERIOUSLY like the way you think. And that place would probably be at a go-kart raceway. Yanno — a real gokart that goes 30+ mph and not those crappy ones that don’t go over 10..
June 18th, 2009 at 8:34 am
I hate being rejected too.
It just sucks. a lot.
June 18th, 2009 at 9:07 am
I don’t know if this has been suggested to you already, but maybe your friend’s boyfriends have some cute guy friends they could introduce you to. (How I met my man, who is dark haired and light eyed btw. Not that I’m a stickler for certain physical traits, but those things do make him cuter!)
Other suggestions-Take a general interest class, watch a university lecture, go to concerts or sporting event.
Concerts? I like those. A lot. Now if I were just made of money I could go all the time. hee!
June 18th, 2009 at 9:23 am
i always thought dating was a nice way to say hooking up. but whatever you want to call it, it can also be great for a) some nice dinners out, b) meeting some exceptonally blogworthy assholes, or c) meeting mr. blue-eyed-you-are-so-right-for-me. or any combination of those.
Oh how I love blogworthy assholes. But not really. But sorta.
June 18th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Deutlich, EVERYONE’S afraid of rejection! You don’t hear people say, “I hope I get shot down!”
Try dating online. It couldn’t hurt! And since you don’t meet the people face-to-face, unless you both want to, the rejection is a lot smaller.
June 18th, 2009 at 10:33 am
I am as lost as you are with the whole dating thing. Be sure to blog if you figure out it all out.
June 18th, 2009 at 11:50 am
I stumbled through it with a lot of alcohol.
So from where I’m standing, you’re doing fine, kiddo.
June 18th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Wow it’s like you and I are traveling down the same path. I JUST got finished earlier blogging about this… rejection I mean. But mine was more general.
And the more I look at it, the more I think (at least for myself) instead of looking at what I don’t have and allowing that to hinder me, I gotta look at what I do have. Meaning… clearly I’m not with anyone but I am alone and what’s the benefit in that? Sure, it’s lonely as hell some times but I just think for me, it’s an even bigger opportunity to get me right before I have to focus on someone else’s kinda right.
I was just talking about all of my high school and college friends who are married, getting married, having babies or inviting me to weddings/baby showers. And for a second I definitely caved to that part of my quarter-life crisis. But I think it’s just not my time cuz I’m getting an opportunity to enjoy me a bit longer… go out into the world, see what happens and just ride the wave that is life.
That being said… it sucks like a bitch when you’re at a gathering and everyone else is with someone and you’re the loner. Or when you’re into someone and you think they’re into you and you pick up that stupid book and realize there’s signs he’s just not that into you. But I’m deciding to embrace the rejection as a positive learning experience instead of a stab to the heart. We both know you have so much to offer to the world and to guys you’re such a dynamic woman. I say because of that let them find you and while they’re slacking (because guys will do that) enjoy the food, libations and whatever the hell else.
June 18th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
I never dated. I saw no reason to be hopeful about or give hope to someone I did not already know pretty well. But I think I’ve finally found a keeper in the last of the succession of buddies I’ve fooled around with.
In the meantime, though, I’ve tossed a lot of friendships. That may have been unwise.
June 18th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
I wouldn’t trade the Lady Friend for anything – but don’t be scared to bend over and smell the roses now and then. Being single has it’s perks.
As for places to meet people – sporting events and concerts. Get em out of the bar so they are sober. You can always get em drunk and tear off their pants later.
June 18th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Get outta my head.
I think this every day: How am I supposed to date if I refuse to meet new people? And if I think every guy, ever, is creepy???
June 18th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
i’m scared of dating too. i’m scared of letting anyone in. i think dating is a waste of my time. i think it’s exhausting to ’start over’.
June 18th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
ps: and i was thinking of actually writing about the topic of rejection too.. but i don’t have the energy right now. that shits drainin..
June 18th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
I hate going out on first dates … when you don’t really know someone. I’ve been on a couple where I was just completely and utterly bored. The guys had nice bodies but absolutely no personality whatsoever. Horrid.
June 19th, 2009 at 1:01 am
In the market for a hot date but don’t know where to find any, myself. Guys can be seriously weird and clueless.
June 19th, 2009 at 5:06 am
Ha ha. I know exactly what you mean. I met this guy. We made out. Our next “date” was hanging out a bar after he got off work. And there was a group of friends there with us. We made out again later, but is that “dating”? I really don’t know.
I’m moving to a different state, and I have to admit, a huge motivation is because I feel like I’ve tapped the dating pool here in this city. (“Tapped” -ha ha!)
June 20th, 2009 at 4:35 am
The boyf is always making fun of me asking what on earth I’d have done if he hadn’t come along; He’s all “You won’t date someone unless you know them, but you can’t know them unless you date them… You’d have been stuck forever!”
This is true, but luckily with him we somehow skipped the dating part and fell headfirst into a relationship without a single date. In fact I only went on a date with him for the first time about a month into our relationship.
So there you go – it CAN be done! It just happens!
You’re adorable. And thank you.
June 22nd, 2009 at 10:34 am
What is this dating concept you speak of?
I don’t get it either but I did appreciate this post.
well, thanks
June 23rd, 2009 at 11:12 am
A bit late to the party, but some thoughts.
This is something I go through phases with. 2008 was my year of having first dates where every girl I met wanted to sleep with me on the first date. Which, by the way, can be somewhat off-putting. 2009 was me returning from my 2008-inspired dating hiatus, and finding I had lost my apparent charm. I keep trying to “date”, but I can’t seem to spark like I used to, even when I have a good time with someone. *That’s* frustrating.
It sounds silly, but I’ve had the best “luck” (ha ha, relatively speaking) online. The two girls I met at bars most recently were.. just, well, not nice people. The friend of a friend I went out with is actually pretty rad, but we didn’t really hit it off. If you’re curious, send me an email, and I can show you the site where I swoon over girls with glasses and a love for economics.
Dating, though, is what you make it. If you don’t want to worry about the person you’re seeing “bumping uglies” with someone else, talk to them about it. Dating can be a weekly dinner and makeouts, or it can be attending parties & going hiking, seeing if you’re going to like this person for many years to come.
Of course, this might all be ridiculous, and I could be totally off the mark. I’ve been single for nigh-on three years or so. It’s frustrating at times, but I figure it is what it is, and I can either let it make me unhappy, or learn to make the best of it