Patience is a Virtue
Posted by Deutlich on May 21st, 2009 | Filed under: UncategorizedI know why I’m single.
I can do too much. Or in other words, I’m over qualified.
But I’ll get to that in a moment.
When I look at people all bunned up in a relationship with baby #3 on the way that are 4 years younger than me, there are a few thoughts that run through my head.
1 – Well goddamn who the fuck decided to stick their dick in that thing at least FOUR FUCKING TIMES to make a NEW PERSON?
2 – How in the hell did they land a husband and I’m still single?! It must be the head. She HAS to be giving good head. Because duh.
3 – Aw, I want a husband and a house and 2.5 kids with a dog and a yard with a garden and the picturesque bullshit idea of a family life that we all love to cling to.
Now, that’s not to say picturesque isn’t do-able. It’s just fucking hard to find.
Because I’m human and possess a uterus that will shove out a god-knows-how-fat living THING out of MY VAG (WHY in the hell is it humanly possible to fit a bowling ball sized thing through there anyway?!), I often have good times with The Crazy. Which lends to a whole lot of self-loathing and doubt and crappy crap that does nothing but kill my will to live.
So, sometimes I get all tingly (not in a good way) and upset about being oh-so-single. I’m turning 28 and I’m supposed to be on my way to a white picket fence, dammit!
But I’m certainly not. And when I took a moment to really think about why, it sort of hit me like a brick.
Look. I can speak two languages. I bake from scratch. I’ll spend HOURS cooking because it calms me down and I have this inherent need to feed people. I can garden. I can sew entire outfits, curtains, blankets, pillows and the like. I can fix my own computer and iPod. I can design shit in Photoshop. I know how to weld. If I need to build furniture I can go to Home Depot and go to town. I drive a stick shift. My previous life taught me how to roll THE BEST blunt ever and I have a fucking brain that’s actually worth a damn.
Because I’d like to refrain from boring y’all to tears, I’ll end that list there.
The point is, I have standards for people that I don’t find to be crazy outlandish. As I see it, I don’t need to be in a relationship with someone that comes with an incredibly impressive resume. But I want someone that can go tit for tat with me.
Actually – I NEED someone who can. Because I will mow a motherfucker down for being an ignorant asshole so quick they won’t know what the hell hit them.
I blame my heritage.
And mostly I’m okay with this. There are lonely days and non-lonely days. Sometimes I just want to tear through SexyTimeTown like a hurricane. Every once and again I’d appreciate a hug from the person whose appendages I’d let stick in my vagina. And yes, I’m that old fashioned that I can’t just find some random asshole to do it with.
In summary: I will patiently wait for the Right One. Just like when I’m applying for new jobs. I may be overqualified for certain positions but – hey – that doesn’t mean it can’t work.
All good things come to those who wait.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Amen, lover. And it’s not like you’re sitting there twiddling your thumbs… There’s wayyyy too much fun to be had
Damn SKIPPY!
May 21st, 2009 at 1:26 pm
that list? fucking amazing.
will you marry me?
seriously. you can build us a white picket fence
I would KICK ASS at building that fence.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:28 pm
i JUST bloged about this! i believe i’m overqualified too
regarding the babies at a younger age thing.. this isn’t something i elaborated upon on my post but it certainly crossed my mind. actually, it’s the whole sex for procreation vs. recreation thing. i seriously wonder if these young’ns actually have had orgasms!?! it seems despite their marriage status they are “less experienced” sexually, or is it just me?? i won’t claim this as my only insight is from my younger-than-me-married-with-kids coworker.. but damn, it’s sad. and they only know ONE position (missionary). how BORING is that!?
anyway yeah, i’ve got high standards too. and i hate dating men that are dumber than me.. then again, the one man i dated that was smarter than me.. i dumped
lesigh.
Sex for procreating just.. isn’t my thing. And how in the fuck can people ONLY DO MISSIONARY?!
May 21st, 2009 at 1:29 pm
AMEN.
AMEN x 34837498763474363875865
In non-news, I love you.
The feeling is mutual.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Man, does this hit home.
But my excuse is I am busy — I’m a workaholic, even when it comes to free time endeavors / hobbies; I’ve discovered that this is preventing a lot of opportunities from being taken.
Are you perhaps the same way?
Definitely not a workaholic. The Man gives me money, but it doesn’t aid in giving me a healthy state of mind. I mean, to an extent – yes. But mostly no. So I do what I need to then I hightail it home. Heee
May 21st, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Your list? Wow. All I can do is give an average BJ.
I think the fact that you won’t settle is awesome; it seems like 85% of the time, when it comes to relationships one of the people settled. There’s that person who updates their fucking Facebook status every day with something along the lines of “Whatshername is loving Whatsisface” or “Whatshername can’t wait to get home and cuddle Whatsisface”, meanwhile the other person is just all “Whatsisface is going to the gym” or whatever.
This was a long winded way of saying you rock. And it’s good you’re not settling. And also I fucking hate the couples I just described.
You and me both.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:42 pm
I can’t imagine a whole where you would settle, but don’t settle! You’re awesome. Someone who fits your life – all of it – will come into it one day and when that happens, that’s great.
But being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have a full life, it just means that you’re in a relationship. Same goes for marriage, these things aren’t ends unto them selves. You seem to have very a whole life already, and that’s what’s important.
I’m stoked for that day, cautiously optimistic and definitely okay with waiting.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:44 pm
HA that should read WORLD. A WORLD where you would settle. Sorry Miss =)
No worries!!! Glad to see you blogging again! I thought you went MIA!
May 21st, 2009 at 1:58 pm
I give phenomenal blow jays and I’m still single.
I’m gonna go cry in the corner.
I watched you do a demo of a BJ. Please know that I took notes.
May 21st, 2009 at 2:03 pm
That is one wicked resume!!!
that is a great idea, but you think I would sound like a creep if I asked some random chick for a resume before we go on a date…. odds are if I did I might get a smack in the mouth!!! LOL
meh. asking before a date is so 1980s. getting to know people is half the fun!
May 21st, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Good for you! And seriously? There are too many people our age settling down and getting married to people that they’re settling for. And people wonder why the divorce rate is as high as it is. So, wait for your guy and don’t let all of those good things in you go to waste with some loser.
Amen to that!
May 21st, 2009 at 2:46 pm
this is way too awesome on so many different levels.
well aren’t you sweet! and thank you!
May 21st, 2009 at 2:47 pm
You’re certianly not setting your standards too high. You know who YOU are and you know the kind of person you want to be with, and he’s gotta keep up. That’s the kind of relationship I want, too. I don’t want someone to carry me or someone who can’t accept that I can carry myself.
I think that last sentence should be my new slogan.
May 21st, 2009 at 3:04 pm
A) Super impressed with your skillz….. B) Its good to have standards and live it up before you are tied down C) I met the guy that I wanted his appendage in my vag forever when I was 30. and I swore it would never happen…ever!!
a) thank you
b) agreed
c) aw, yaay! there’s still hope!
May 21st, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Understandable. I can smack people here who get married too soon, I think it’s stupid. Being overwhelmed and just do that because they “have” to. Waiting for Mr.Right still rules.
Agreeeeeed!
May 21st, 2009 at 3:45 pm
I think for independent women, it’s better to be alone than tied down. That’s my perspective and I’m sticking to it! I don’t want kids – but all men seem to want them. I’ve got a boy I worked hard for and i’m squeezing out a stupid parasite while the guy gets the easy part of the job. Yeah, fuck that shit.
But that’s just my rant about kids.
I definitely want companionship. I just want the right kind. And it’s HARD AS FUCK to find it. Stupid life lessons and trivial crap like growing up.
May 21st, 2009 at 3:55 pm
you’re doing it right. check plus plus
don’t settle, you’ll be glad in the end
well thank you!
May 21st, 2009 at 4:47 pm
Damn, it’s like you tapped into my brain and wrote my thoughts! I hear ya, definitely.
I refuse to settle. I don’t think anyone should. It’s like that Sheryl Crow song, “Are you man enough to be my man….”
You said it, Sheryl!
Excellent post!
Well thank you muchly!
May 21st, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Amen.
That’s all.
sweet!
May 21st, 2009 at 5:24 pm
I don’t want kids. I don’t like kids. I don’t know what the hell to do with them and I’m really fine with that. I hate when people look at me awkwardly when talking about their kids like “Shhhh, poor Veggie doesn’t HAVE any”. I’m happy I don’t. I choose not to. I’m happy other people want them and birth them but I have no desire to. Ever. There’s stuff I want to do and none of it includes diapers or cleaning poop and sick. I’d prefer a puppy.
I’ve also never looked for boyfriends they’ve just happened when I’ve met someone who met my standards for insanity. The one I have now is perfect. Mellow, crazy, laughs at the same stupid things I do and isn’t into kids either. Hallelujah!
You take your sweet time, chica!
I sure as hell will. Quality over quantity, as I like to say.
May 21st, 2009 at 5:25 pm
P.S. I realize puppies poop and vomit also (irony!). Oddly I mind less cleaning theirs. That is all.
I think i want bebies.. but.. uhm.. not anytime soon. Haha. Not ANYtime soon.
May 21st, 2009 at 5:53 pm
I’m still single too (at 33), but maybe because I can’t weld…
Eh. I bet that works in your favor.
May 21st, 2009 at 6:35 pm
I totally feel what you’re saying. Love this post!
THanks dear!
May 21st, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Don’t.Ever.Settle. Promise me that. You know what you want and you WILL get it. Settling is the worst thing you can do because it can lead to massive unhappiness and you don’t deserve that.
He’s out there, that guy that you can go tit for tat with. Just don’t settle on any asshole.
While I know that nothing will ever be total sunshine and rainbows.. there’s also no way in hell I’m setting myself up for disappointment. Yanno?
May 21st, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Ooh, it hurts a little when people hate on the married-youngs. We’re human too, and we didn’t so much as settle as we just settled in young… yikes.
As for you, lovely lady, I think that the reason you are still single is not only because you are hugely talented and independent, but also because as you said, you have some sky high standards. That is absolutely, 100% as it should be. When you meet Mr. Right, you might compromise a little in one area or two, but it won’t feel like a compromise, and that is how you’ll know it’s right.
I’unno… I don’t really think I was hating on married people so much as the Picket Fence At 18 With 10 Babies By 20 notion.
May 21st, 2009 at 9:31 pm
You go, girl! Stick to your guns! The way these things seem to work is that it happens when you least expect it to. Bizarre, for sure, but there’s something to it.
Absolutely.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Haahahahaha, shit, I think the same thing ALL THE TIME.
I have this constant need to blog about love and all that crap mostly everyday. I just don’t do it because I’ll feel sorry for whoever is reading my crap.
I always say, “He’s out there. I just need to step on a few assholes along the way and he’ll find me when the time comes.”
Young people with babies gross me out. Well, younger people. I don’t know, it’s just…MEH.
I like to think that some of them hopefully know what the hell they’re getting in to. But for the majority of youngins havin’ youngins? That’s just not the case. And it breaks my heart. Because it leads TO SO MANY different things that can turn out negatively.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:20 am
Haahahahaha, shit, I think the same thing ALL THE TIME.
I have this constant need to blog about love and all that crap mostly everyday. I just don’t do it because I’ll feel sorry for whoever is reading my crap.
I always say, “He’s out there. I just need to step on a few assholes along the way and he’ll find me when the time comes.”
Young people with babies gross me out. Well, younger people. I don’t know, it’s just…MEH.
BTW I love your blog!
May 22nd, 2009 at 6:40 am
I love that you can weld. And that’s one impressive list of skills.
Also, as much as I want kids (eventually), I winced at the thought of pushing a bowling ball out of there. That’s enough to keep my legs crossed for a while.
Omg. me too
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:14 am
“But I want someone that can go tit for tat with me. ”
I would just like to point out that I have many tats. Just sayin’.
And they’re all gorgeous. I want more!
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:33 am
I’m the one in my relationship who’s good at all the stereotypically masculine things like messing with tools, electricity, plumbing, and so on. An old boyfriend was intimidated by that. This one appreciates it and loves that I take the time to learn to do things for myself.
He also liked that I could install his thermostat and fix his bedroom light fixture.
Still not ready for kids though, no matter how compatible we are. My mom had three ten-pounders, and that just freaks me (and my girl parts) out.
OMG! THREE!!!?!?! AAAHHH
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:10 am
*lifts glass* Here’s to getting someone worthy of you.
Oh, and on…
“Well goddamn who the fuck decided to stick their dick in that thing at least FOUR FUCKING TIMES to make a NEW PERSON?”
I have very similar thoughts. Usually “Well, SOMEone was willing to do her.”
We’re such kind souls for thinking that too, eh?
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:12 am
And, as long as we’re being blunt…
I have it on good authority that there’s no such thing as bad head. It’s like pizza.
I bet if someone used their teeth a lot.. that’d be like eating moldy pizza. I bet it.
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:54 am
That is so cool that you know how to weld and build furniture. I wish I could do those things.
They’re not hard, i promise! Just wear safety goggles!!
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:20 am
I sooo know what you mean. I need someone who will challenge me and is up to my level–because all the other ones bore me to tears (not literally, figuratively) or just want a piece of me and that ain’t happenin’. So wait we must.
Patience is a virtue, eh?
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:29 am
Oh hell yes! I am also rapidly approaching 28 and very much the independent DIYer. Eventually, we’ll both meet the fellas that aren’t intimidated by our Awesome, and can go toe-to-toe with us. You said it sweetie.
And also, I’m totally impressed you can drive stick.
Weehoo! Well thanks
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:28 am
Mr. Right has been looking for you. But despite his general awesomeness, he likes to take his time. Give him a minute. Think of all this downtime as foreplay for the best relationship you’ll ever have.
You? You are totally awesome personified. Thank you.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Some people like to say, “There’s a pot for every lid.”
But most people who say that are
a.) married
and/or
b.) assholes
Jesus Christ. There’s no timetable on this shit. It’s all imaginary. Enjoy being single. Later, if you find someone who isn’t a complete Dorito-eating D-bag, you’ll enjoy being married, too.
You are awesome
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:22 pm
thanks…. it helped
you are very, very welcome
May 23rd, 2009 at 5:17 am
Fab post. And good on you being able to do all those things! this also made me feel better being nearly 23 and never been kissed.
yup. just said that on the internet as me.
Your day will come.
May 24th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
I didn’t settle, and yes, I was very lonely, and often alone, but the right person finally came around, and I am so glad I waited…I’m now trying to teach our daughter and son that, but it’s difficult, in this day and age.
Great post.
May 26th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Ich kann einfach nur sagen, Ihre problem ist ganz wie meins. Wir sind deutsch. *lach*
I’ve definitely got a similar problem. I was raised to be an independent woman, who wouldn’t have to rely on a man. I got too damn lucky and found a guy who puts up with my psychotic German freakazoid woman bullshit. I wish you the best of luck in finding a good man, who can handle you.
It really is the German in us. I mean, for seriously.
May 28th, 2009 at 8:26 am
Been lurking for a couple months and even though this comment is late I had to say that I feel you and honestly think I might kind of love you.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:34 am
hot DAMN you go girl! And this part: “I’ll spend HOURS cooking because it calms me down and I have this inherent need to feed people.”
ME TOO.
That’s because you’re awesome.