Oh, Rihanna
Posted by Deutlich on May 19th, 2009 | Filed under: UncategorizedI think we sometimes like to assume that beauty = amazing. That when you’re pretty and thin and perhaps even wealthy, life is just obviously better than the rest of us peons that hate our jobs, feel fat all the fucking time and are ravaged with skin problems that rival the looks of a pepperoni and onion pizza.
I’ve been on extreme ends of the weight spectrum. I was going to post some pictures of me looking skeletal until I decided that a) I’m too fucking lazy and b) you’ll just have to believe me.
Look. I’m meaty. I have meaty legs and a meaty ass and some meaty cleavage. It’s just the way that I’m built. When I got down to a size 2 you could see my ribcage and it was fucking gross. But when I was actually IN the moment, I felt great because at least I wasn’t as fat as I had been.
Except the problem became that I trusted even less people than when I was bigger.
My thoughts were always something like, “He’s just talking to me because I’m skinny.”
Nevermind that the real reason was from the confidence I was exuding. Oh no. It was totally the assless, skin-and-bones look I was sporting.
So, naturally when I posted that picture of Rihanna the other day I wasn’t surprised by those saying how much they wanted their [insert body part] to look like Rihanna’s [insert body part].
Heh. That sounded dirrty.
Anyway. As I sat there reading the responses I initially nodded my head in agreement because GODDAMN she’s fine. But for the first time in a while my immediate thought thereafter was, “Wait a minute. Sure she’s pretty, but I kind of enjoy the jiggles I have. And frankly? So have all those people I’ve been with. And most importantly, I need to be happy about me. I mean, I’m glad for the chick but I can’t muster up any actual jealousy. Because if I really want what she has, then I know how to get it, eliminating any need for jealousy as it is.”
This of course got me to thinking about when I longed to be super skinny, actually got there, and STILL hated my life (please note the aforementioned trust issues).
Which leads me to my initial point. I wonder why we like to think that skinny people lead more fulfilling lives? And why we waste so much time being envious or jealous? It’s fucking exhausting. I bet we’d utilize our time more efficiently by staring off in to space for 25 hours of the day.
Moreover, beauty is not a precursor to happiness. Which is abundantly clear when we take a moment to remember that Rihanna (for example) got beat. the fuck. up by her boyfriend and then went BACK to him.
I won’t make any jabs at her mental state for doing so. I’ve witnessed domestic abuse first hand and frankly, I’m not her. I have my opinions but being openly judgmental about a situation like that isn’t my style. (I know! Who knew I could show some fucking restraint?!)
I will say this though: I’d rather be thicker and happier than skinny and still fucked up in the head. Beauty, whatever that may mean to you, does not equate to sunshine and rainbows.
May 19th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
If this were Facebook and there was a link to “like” this post, I’d click it. Cuz I can’t really add anything.
You said it all, girl.
Well thank you!
May 20th, 2009 at 4:06 am
I completely agree with your post.
Commenting from the (sometimes over) skinny side: I am skinny (by nature), recently a little obsessed with getting in shape/more muscles- and happy- but I have been unhappy loads of times, (pretty fucked up also).
I never was unhappy because of my body, but during unhappy times you could tell from my posture and how I moved, from being underweight and from my skin, that something was wrong- despite being skinny.
If you feel bad about yourself, you probably will also feel bad about your body, however it looks like, if you are happy with yourself, you will be happy with your body as it is, or be motivated to do something about it if you want things to change for some reason.
btw ADORABLE kittens. I’d also love to get one (or two), but my daughter and my neigbor are allergic. And dog is no option for time reasons. But we’d have the perfect location with garden and a field next to the garden.
I agree with you wholeheartedly.
May 20th, 2009 at 5:30 am
Your head’s in a good place, Deutlich.
I appreciate that.
May 20th, 2009 at 5:32 am
Well said. At my lowest I was just under 85 lbs (I’m 5′6″. This was not a good look.) Now I’m closer to 115 and am finally starting to accept that no, I’m not “fat”, and even if I were, what-the-fuck-ever. I remember having the same thoughts as you… “he’s only talking to me because I’m thin/blonde/look like a train wreck…”
Too skinny, everyone knows you have problems. When abusive douchebags are concerned, it’s like a red flag to a bull.
It really IS a red flag to a bull. Also? I’m glad you’re becoming more comfortable in your own skin. I’m proud of your accomplishments.
May 20th, 2009 at 5:37 am
Amen to that! I had my uber-skinny phase too and I have a hell of a lot more confidence now (2 sizes bigger) than I did then. I wouldn’t trade my fabulous T&A for the world.
Amen!
May 20th, 2009 at 5:43 am
A-FREAKIN-MEN!! Completely agree with you. What matters is you being happy with yourself. And you, my dear, are adorably gorgeous!
Awww, you’re too sweet. And thank you!!
May 20th, 2009 at 5:53 am
*nodding head in agreement* Great post, D! I think women seem to think that beauty = happiness and a fabulous life because we’ve been subliminally programmed to believe these things since we were wee tikes.
Enter Barbie.
Barbie was forced upon us through ads that we couldn’t possibly resist. We begged our parents to buy us one (or 10, depending on your level of greediness)and couldn’t rest until we had one. She was BEAUTIFUL, she had kick-ass friends, cars, a dream house, careers, a TINY WAIST and HUGE BOOBS, and she was always happy.
So, because all of the things listed in caps seemed to equal having everything else on the list, we began to associate beauty as the cornerstone to happiness without even realizing it. Did that make sense? Yeah, I’m still hung over – don’t judge me, lol.
Oh, Barbie.. mine was a lesbian. Actually, all of them straddled both sides of the field, if you catch my drift.
May 20th, 2009 at 5:59 am
I agree, as you know. I wish I could just accept who I am and recognize how far I have come. God knows I have come far.
The bottom line is this though, and this pisses people off when I say it: life is easier when you are thinner. People are nicer. Men approach you more. It is easier to shop. It is a hard reality to face.
To an extent? I agree. But I stand by my belief that men approach smaller women more because these women believe that they’re better at a smaller size than a larger. As in, those women exude more confidence. Being that the black & latino community has always, and will always, embrace a woman who’s got real meat on her bones – and witnessing plenty of white men who LOOOOOOOOVE their girlfriends regardless of their size.. that’s basically how I feel. If a person is uncomfortable in their own skin, nobody else will really be able to appreciate them for who they are either.
May 20th, 2009 at 6:18 am
Rihanna ain’t got nuthin on me, Boo Yea!
Fucking agreed.
May 20th, 2009 at 6:42 am
You really do make an excellent point that, obviously, several of us can relate to. I’m definitely trying to be more comfortable in my own skin, and, though I still feel I could lose a bit more, I’m not beating myself up over it.
Dude. You really shouldn’t be. And the funny thing is, if you looked at someone else who looked EXACTLY like you? You wouldn’t think bad thoughts about their figure, yanno? Because you’re perfectly all right the way that you are. As are most of us with this particular issue.
May 20th, 2009 at 6:50 am
wait i though skinny people WERE happier? stupid media.
#sarcasm
hahahahahahahaha. I love you.
May 20th, 2009 at 6:53 am
I blame America.
Me too.
May 20th, 2009 at 7:08 am
Well said.
Thank you.
May 20th, 2009 at 7:09 am
When I was fat and unhappy, no one paid attention to me. When I was thin and happy, everyone paid attention to me. When I was thin and unhappy? All the people who paid attention to me when I was happy suddenly told me that I needed to eat more, fill out some, be more active. They were right.
I think that real and true beauty- outer beauty- comes from taking good care of yourself. Eating properly and exercising (of which I do neither, at the moment, by the way) makes your skin glow, it makes you happier, it gives you a health and vibrancy that radiates around you. Loving yourself, and being confident- that’s inner beauty, but it shines on the outside the same way physical health does.
Last year, I gained 20 lbs in a month. No one noticed. I was happy with myself, for the most part, but was a little worried that people might treat me differently…. but, as I said above, they didn’t, until I lost 30 lbs, and they all said I looked like hell…
it’s definitely all about how you feel, at the end of the day.
May 20th, 2009 at 7:20 am
I want to agree wholeheartedly with you.
But what I wouldn’t give to get rid of these 10 lbs…
I went on that crazy exercise regime and dropped 21 pounds. So I get it. I definitely, definitely get it.
May 20th, 2009 at 7:25 am
My girls gotta have some meat on their bones!
Mine too.
May 20th, 2009 at 7:41 am
When I meet a girl that mentions her unhappiness for her weight one too many times, it’s a turnoff; ESPECIALLY if she’s doing nothing about it.
But when I meet a girl that might be a little overweight, goes to the gym because she wants to be healthy, and still has the confidence she damn right should have? It’s the hottest thing in the world.
Agreeeeeeeeeeeeeed
May 20th, 2009 at 7:47 am
i remember reading that post. but i didn’t have anything to say because i’m not that big a fan of Rihanna. she’s pretty, no doubt. but she could totally afford to eat a biscuit or two. like everyday. for a few months.
ladies: having an ass is a blessing, not a curse. i know you don’t believe me, but it’s true.
You’re awesome.
May 20th, 2009 at 7:51 am
It doesn’t matter what weight you are. Celebrities live in a world of crazy, we can’t compare ourselves to them. I couldn’t even imagine the pressure they’re under to stay thin. But not too thin, or else that’s bad publicity too.
You are beautiful just as you are!
It’s a hard climb getting to a point where we really believe that about ourselves.. but dammit, I think I’ve finally reached it. For now.
May 20th, 2009 at 7:57 am
I agree with you, it’s all about being comfortable. But, I do think that you can be happy and still be jealous. I know, that makes no sense at all. I love my ass, but I’m still jealous of Rihanna’s ass too. No matter how much I love my own, I just can’t look at hers and say I’d rather keep this same ol’ thing that’s been hanging there behind me all these years, no matter how cute it is. I love her booty and would trade in a heartbeat, but it doesn’t mean I’d trade mine in for just any old thing…
I always find that if there’s something to be jealous about, it’s basically the same as being unhappy. I’m sure that’s not how it is for everyone – but that’s how I work.
May 20th, 2009 at 8:14 am
I think it also stems from the thought about fat people being lazy. Which is also untrue most of the time. But if fat people are lazy who don’t do anything with their lives, then skinny people must be hard-working who get everything they want/need.
Yanno, that’s very likely. Funny thing is? I know skinny folks who are MUUCH lazier than their larger counterparts. But that’s life, eh? We know all kinds of examples that push against the norm.
May 20th, 2009 at 8:16 am
This is an awesome post. And at the end of it, it made me want Chick Fil A for lunch instead of the salad I had intended to eat. Because happiness IS what’s important.
mmm..now I want Chik Fil A
May 20th, 2009 at 8:19 am
Well, I don’t want to be thin, as much as I want to be in shape… but I do realize that people don’t always take to weight lifting and working out the way I do. I think my obsession with sculpting my body has more to do with it being something I enjoy than me assuming I’ll live a more fulfilled life from it. It’s almost like an artists who obsesses about their art, or a dancer, obsessed about the lines of their body. My thing happens to be working out – but I don’t wnat to look like rihanna, or anyone else. I want to be able to lift my body weight over my head, though. Or run a marathon. Or fight someone who weights twice as much as I do just because I’m that competitive.
That’s how I feel. I want to be able to lift things when I need to without running to a man. I want to walk as normal as possible when I’m 65, assuming I get to that age. I want to be able to LIVE.
May 20th, 2009 at 8:26 am
It’s hard not to compare yourself to all those skinny celebrities plastered across magazine covers. Thanks for reminding us that it’s ok to just be ourselves, curves and all.
Anytime.
May 20th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Well said! I’ve always been big-boned myself, and it took me til only a matter of a few years ago to really embrace myself as who I am and to find contentment in that. I’m infinitely happier for it, too.
I’m glad you got to the point where you can be comfortable. That’s admirable.
May 20th, 2009 at 9:32 am
That’s some restrain. I screamed, literally when I heard she got back together with the idiot.
Anyway, are you saying Rihanna is example of thin? More Indonesian girls should hear this and take a note, because they call Rihanna fat over here.
Way to take it up a notch for ED..crazy!
I’m saddened by her decision to walk back to such a situation, but I’m more curious about what her mindset is really like. I imagine she has nasty skeletons and self doubt issues. Like all of us.
May 20th, 2009 at 9:37 am
It’s so easy to get caught up in body image. I don’t pay much attention to the media anymore, I don’t read celebrity magazines or anything like that, I don’t even watch the news anymore. It’s so easy to see everything you are as a fault, because as a people we’re CONSTANTLY being compared to celebrities.
I’ve always been small. I used to be skinny and recently (within the last year) put on a good 20 pounds. I feel healthier than I ever did, but I’m still learning how to feel comfortable in my own skin. Sometimes I think I look amazing. Other times I wish I’d never gained a single pound. It’s confusing, being told one thing and shown another. I’m sick of wondering if I look good enough. I’m at a point now where I’m trying not to wonder, a point where I’m learning to be happy with me FOR MYSELF, and not for anyone else. If I don’t love me for who I am, big or small, who else is going to?
Exactly.
May 20th, 2009 at 11:49 am
i agree completely. i think people who aren’t super skinny are actually happier for the most part than people who are. you get to an obsessive level when you’re scary skinny that isn’t a good mental state at. all.
agreed.
May 20th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
that last statement is oh so true. i couldn’t agree with you more.
aww. thank you
May 20th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
AMEN. After I gained weight from being pretty well fit, I used to constantly think “if only I were skinny again.” And I couldn’t get over it. Thank you for this post, because it reminds me that I’m fine being the size that I am as long as I’m healthy. And if you don’t mind me speaking on a serious note: I really needed a reminder like this, so thanks (for real, for real).
You’re very, very welcome
May 21st, 2009 at 7:17 am
I blame canada. I always blame canada.
As an American, it’s really the only way.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:46 am
On a side note, I hear Rhianna’s making out with some other dude! Good for her.
and I like meaty. I like curves, what can I say.
Dude. You and me both.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:01 pm
I absolutely agree with you. Rhianna is gorgeous but I wouldn’t trade places with her for a second because of what is going on in her life. And the obvious, sometimes, you can be too thin.
I would like to trade places with someone who has kick-ass metabolism though. I miss it!
And rihanna’s just one example, yanno? There are MANY women in her exact position..
May 27th, 2009 at 5:18 am
I agree 100% I also thing the whole “grass is greener” mentality can be applied to other things in life that people admire, like money. Apparently rich people are sadder in life than folks who may not be as well off.
Dude. I can SO see how that would be the case