She Wouldn’t Hear Any Of It
Posted by Deutlich on January 26th, 2009 | Filed under: UncategorizedSometimes, things happen that I can’t explain nor wrap my head around.
I’ve been having some minor, but awfully upsetting, issues at work. Last week was a big test in patience. I blew my lid a few times despite every effort not to. By Friday, I was unfocused, raw with emotion and down right exhausted.
During the day, I came across an acquaintance with whom I shot the shit for a little while. During our conversation I mentioned how badly I could use a massage, if only I could afford it. This led to me explaining how I messed up my credit in college and am working extremely hard at fixing it now. In Lehman’s terms, this means I don’t have a whole lot of spending cash. This is just something that I brought upon myself and am fully all right dealing with it.
Maybe I should learn not to discuss it so freely. The thing is, I’ve always been a bit of an over-sharer. I’d even get in trouble for it when I was young. I have no abandon, I’m not ashamed to talk about my fuck ups, and I’m honest to a fault.
I think that’s why I started blogging.
Either way, by the end of our conversation she requested that I meet with her in private for a quick word. I thought, “well…hey, maybe she’s got some advice for me and my debt?”
Well. No. Not exactly.
What she did have was a sealed manila envelope with nearly $200 in cash in it. An envelope she’d held on to because she felt “blessed” to have gotten her recent job. Money she wanted to pass on to someone deserving. In her words, she had yet to find a Church to give it to and she didn’t want to hand it off to a random homeless person.
She wanted to be sure that the gift was given to someone she felt would really benefit from it and really appreciate it.
Insert Deutlich.
With all of the super high highs and the ridiculous lows of the week, I burst into ugly tears pretty quickly. I didn’t want to accept the package because I felt that I couldn’t. Nor that I deserved it.
She wouldn’t hear any of it.
Sometimes, life can throw intense curve balls.
I can not wait for the day that I can pay it forward. And boy, will I be paying it forward…
———————-
Also, I just wanted to say a very big, “THANK YOU!!!” to all of the 20SB members who voted for me in the awards. I was going to wait for the badges to come out before saying anything, but since I’m not sure when that may be I didn’t want to let too much time pass. You all are rock stars and I greatly appreciate winning in the one category I really, really wanted to win in: Most Opinionated.
January 26th, 2009 at 9:25 am
Wow. That truly is a gift…and I know you will pay it forward.
I seriously can’t wait for that day.
January 26th, 2009 at 9:33 am
Oh no, not the ugly tears!
It’s so nice to hear something this pleasant on a dreaded Monday morning.
Monday morning’s really are shitty, aren’t they? I almost called in sick today.. horrible.
January 26th, 2009 at 9:39 am
That sounds like quite the incredible gift! I hope you spend that money on yourself (like getting that much-needed massage) to help you deal with the stress of work.
Aw, thank you.
January 26th, 2009 at 10:10 am
wow that awesome and i’m sure you do deserve it! get that much needed massage soon!
I still don’t really feel like I deserved it. But thank you.
January 26th, 2009 at 10:16 am
How thoughtful of her and how wonderful for you! Isn’t it nice to know that there are people out there who are so selfless and kind?
I think I’ve said this before, but I really admire your openness and honesty. Good for you for working on fixing your credit! It’s a long road but worth it in the end.
It really IS a long road but good gosh will I be excited when it’s done and over with.
January 26th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Wow that’s such a great story. And never think that you are undeserving of anything. You deserve happiness and more all the time.
You’re very kind. Thank you.
January 26th, 2009 at 10:29 am
My jaw just dropped! That is amazing! And so wonderful. And, oh the tears. Wow. So you’ll be getting that massage…yes?
I got my hair did, at which time I got a scalp/neck massage.. so .. sorta? Haha
January 26th, 2009 at 10:32 am
That’s awesome! I hope you do get at least some kind of massage now
Well, thank you!
January 26th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Hm. If you hadn’t won Most Opinionated, I would have claimed fraud.
haaahahahahaha. I <3 you.
January 26th, 2009 at 10:58 am
thats fabulous!
i believe in destiny! It was meant to be you, and you will do something fabulous one day too!
I appreciate that! Thanks.
January 26th, 2009 at 11:34 am
I suspect that she got just as much joy in giving as you did in receiving; and that the same will be true when you pay that gift back to the universe.
I think you’ve got a good point, there
January 26th, 2009 at 11:41 am
The fact that your initial reaction was to want to pay it forward is exactly why you *totally* deserve such a gift.
And I’m sure that, when you can, you will.
Hope life gets less complicated soon!
Me too! And thanks.
January 26th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Hope you’re feeling a little bit better now. It’s so nice to be reminded of how thoughtful and giving people can be. Thanks for that.
I’m still feeling all over the place, but I plan on getting a grip on it.
January 26th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
That is just so wonderful. Just goes to show there are good and caring people in this world.
This is very true.
January 26th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
I dig what she’s doing….
You fucked up. You’re taking responsibility for it, and fixing it, and doing the suffering that comes with those decisions. She thinks to herself- this girl is going to really appreciate this. This girl needs a pick me up. She deserves a little treat for working so hard to fix her mistakes.
That you don’t think you deserve it? Solid proof that you do, in fact, deserve it.
Paying it forward isn’t even a question. We know you better than to think for a moment you won’t.
I <3 you.
January 26th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
I think the fact that you share your faults, your honesty and your modesty are all part of the reasons you won the award. Congratulations.
Thank you, Meghan! Seriously!!
January 26th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
I hope you sang that “for the love of money” song.
That’s what I would have done.
You’re ridiculous.
January 26th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Just the right kind of heartwarming I needed today.
Yay!
January 26th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
I love honest and openness!
Probably why I love you and your blog.
I say the more the better, man.
Congrats and woah. Be good with that $200!
Well thank you!
January 26th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Wow. I know how you feel. I also totally wrecked my credit in college, and here I am, 25 and still rebuilding it. I also went out with a friend this weekend and made a casual joke about how I was on a nightly budget of $8. She pulled out enough cash for both of us and said, “I’ve got tonight. Hubby and I got more than we needed in terms of gifts and cash for our wedding, and I’ve been where you are.” I first tried to turn her down, but when she insisted, I promised to pay her back. She said, “No. Don’t worry about that. I believe everything comes full circle and you’ll have the opportunity to help me or someone else out when they need it. Let me take care of this tonight and we’ll have a good time.”
Awesome, huh?
That is awesome! and credit is a total bitch. I hate it.
January 26th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Oooh now you can afford a happy ending!
I mean…I’m guessing that is how much they cost. I don’t know from experience. It was only one time and I was in Canada. She had the hands of an angel.
You’re a dork. I love it.
January 26th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
What a cool story… My mom always said there are Angels amongst us.. this is proof..
Its the small blessings (believer or not) that get us to the next place.. I am glad you are going to pay it forward.
And get that massage
There really are some amaaaazing people in the world.
January 26th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
That’s freaking incredible!!!!
Isn’t it though?!
January 26th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Holy crap that’s crazy.
Agreed.
January 26th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Wow. That’s so awesome! You can make someone else feel as good as you feel right now, that will make you feel good too. It’s like a never ending circle of feel good-ness!
Or like the never ending song!! ha!
January 26th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Oh, wow! KICKASS. I knew there was a reason I’m such an over-sharer! My day will come…
January 26th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
I love paying it worward as long as I get in in reverse.
Wait that didn’t sound right.
January 26th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
I view those moments as karma rewarding you. Now it’s up to you to do good with it and karma should continue to reward you, in one way or another.
January 26th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Imagine how great it would feel to help somebody out like that? I can’t wait for enough financial stability. I’m also very much out of money right now. It’s the worst, hey? But D, you DO deserve it. You more than anyone.
January 26th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
aw that is so incredibly nice. it’s always refreshing to hear that there really are people out there that are so unselfish and caring. love it.
January 26th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Wow that’s awesome. Now I get 50% of that for reading your blog, right?
January 26th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
awwww! that was really nice. you deserve it.
January 26th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
dude. that’s awesome. what a way to pick up your day
January 26th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
That’s amazing. Some people are just too good to be true. I hope you do something nice for yourself with that money.
January 26th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Rock on! I’m always happy to hear that there are awesome people in this world. You’re one of them and she’s one of them. Congrats on winning your award!
January 26th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
this still is the coolest thing i have heard in awhile. so friggin cool.
January 26th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
this still is the coolest thing i have heard in awhile. so friggin cool.
I <3 you
January 26th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Woo hoo! Lunch is on you!
I mean, that’s a really great story. Yup, that’s what I meant.
No, I think you meant what you originally said. Too bad you’ll be in L.A. this Friday. :p
January 27th, 2009 at 12:29 am
Your honesty is what makes your blog so great
Aww, thank you so much!!
January 27th, 2009 at 1:17 am
It’s so nice to hear things like that.
I agree. Although, it’s still weird to me that it happened, ya know?
January 27th, 2009 at 2:09 am
That’s crazy; it’s awesome that it worked out so well for both of you.
And most opinionated totally deserved to be you! So yay!
Thanks, doll!
January 27th, 2009 at 2:23 am
thats seriously cool, its really great things just worked out for you..I hope you feel better now
Thank you dear
January 27th, 2009 at 9:27 am
That’s a fortunate turn of events! And do use it on a massage, and not something frivolous like bills.
Now you KNOW bills are not frivolous. Haha.
January 27th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
That is so sweet! And in this crappy economy, it really is a beautiful story to share — thank you.
January 27th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
Wow! What a wonderful thing to do! I so understand the over-sharing part. I am so like that and sometimes put my foot in my mouth, because I have shared with the wrong person. Anywho, what a great story to share with us all. Thanks!
Love your blog!