The Parental Units
Posted by Deutlich on July 28th, 2008 | Filed under: UncategorizedI’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that everybody’s mom and dad (or mom and mom/dad and dad/legal guardians) are two totally different ball parks. Growing up, if I wanted to watch “steamy” movies, I knew I could asd my dad and he wouldn’t even blink an eye, whereas my mom would have a shit fit.
Thanks to dad, I got to watch Purple Rain and Pretty Woman when I was no where near old enough to grasp any of it and probably shouldn’t have been exposed to either.
Nearly twenty years later, things haven’t much changed. Dad’s still all about pushing the envelope and mom still likes to play it super ultra safe.
Case in point…
Scene 1: It’s after work and I’m enjoying a beer right before I go pick up DMB for debaucheries including more beer and rounds of Skip-Bo or Uno. Yeah, we’re totally on the cutting edge of all things cool. Obviously.
Mom: Are you sure you’re okay to drive?
Me: Uhm.. yeah. Why?
Mom: Well, it’s just that you’ve been drinking.
Me: Mom, I’ve had a single beer and I’m going down the street.
Mom: I know, but I worry! I just wanted to make sure you’re ok.
Me: It.was.just.one.beer.
Mom: Okay! Okay! But are you sure you’re okay to drive?!
Me: ::deep sigh:: Bye mom.
Scene 2: My boyfriend and I are visiting my dad right before he moves into his new house. As soon as we set foot into his current home, Coronas are shoved into both of our hands. Within two minutes, we find out we’re going to visit this new house with him. He wants to show and tell. Not another minute passes before he’s offering shots of Patron (read: damn good tequila). We both decline, but he definitely indulges. Cut to twenty minutes later and he’s packing more Coronas for the trip because those thirty minutes at the new house would be completely intolerable without more alcohol. Obviously.
Dad: Hey kiddo, wanna drive the Mercedes back to the house?
Me: Uhm. Please and thank you.
[After driving for several minutes]
Dad: Drives nice, doesn’t it? This Benz sure does have some kick. Oh, and Maryland cops are cooler than Virginia cops so punch it.
Me: [Increasing my speed] You got it.
Dad: Punch it!!
Me: I’m already doing a hundred miles per hour (read: in a 55mph zone)!!
Dad: Punch it anyway.
And people wonder where I get my led foot.
July 28th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
your example of your mom…wasn’t that the same night she talked about “slut-like” behavior?
and your dad…heh.
your parents are awesome
July 28th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Boyfriend should have done that shot of Patron with your dad… it may have made the reckless driving easier to handle
July 28th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
I had to borrow my in law’s Mercedes to get to work once and I was terrified the whole time. All I could think was “$70,000, $70,000, $70,000 don’t smash it up for the love of God!”
I turned the stereo all the way up and went 25mph the whole way.
It was AWESOME.
Well, kinda.
July 28th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
My parents are night and day also. I wonder how they’re still together.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Your Dad sounds like an alright dude.
Also, I’m disappointed in the both of you for turning down the Patron.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Ha! I’m with apollocreed – no Patron shots? That should be against the law or something.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I need to meet your dad so he can give me patron. For real.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Hahaha I like your dad.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
I want to go speeding in a Mercedes….
I want to DRIVE a Mercedes.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
For a second I thought you DID drink a corona and multiple tequila shots before driving and I was a little awestruck. I am glad that you didn’t so I don’t have to side with your mom here.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
hee… my parents are the same mix. when i started riding on the back of muffin’s motorcycle, i told my dad, because i knew he’d think it was awesome / be jealous. i didn’t tell my mom, because i knew she’d be horrified
July 28th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
My mom’s like that. Well, so is my dad. They’re “like that” about different things.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Your mom totally sounds like mine!
Oh and UNO? YOU’re so freaking awesome (and how did we get cut from the same piece of cloth?) I have an UNO deck in my purse as we speak.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
haha yeah my parents are quite opposite at times also. my mom as questioning my drinking in college whereas my dad was like ‘eh she’s in college, have fun’, gotta love it.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Haha. That’s great!
My parents? Were a “united front” – they would never, ever disagree with a parenting issue in FRONT of us. They claimed it was better for us and for them.
Their so-called “parenting strategy” appears to have worked wonderfully. They’re closer and happier than ever and their 5 kids are healthy and well-adjusted.
Whatever, 12-year-old me is still annoyed.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Maryland cops are cooler than Virginia cops so punch it.
Except on the Eastern Shore. The cops don’t play here!
July 28th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Your dad is cool!!!
July 28th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
My dad definitely pushes me to drive his car (Corvette) but I’m still mildly terrified of it. Good for you for driving it–and driving it fast!
July 28th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
I wish my dad was as cool as yours.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
He he. Dads rock
Although my mom is a pretty cool chick, I must admit. I’m lucky.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
hmm. maybe we should trade parents. my dad doesn’t even let me drive the Jeep.
July 28th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
HA HA- Thats awesome.
July 28th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
My parents are completely opposite as well but the things that one is cool about versus the other are very inconsistent. Generally speaking my mom is more laid back and fun. Once and a while my dad can surprise me tho. He has no Benz, unfortunately.
July 28th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Haha you and I have the same type of parents!
July 28th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
I heart you dad
July 28th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
I meant YOUR dad
July 28th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
I love your dad… omg.
July 28th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
fuck
I’m a mom
I cringed while reading about you speeding
might as well spend the rest of my days in a robe and curlers….
maybe I’ll learn to knit
I’ll make pillows that say “I’m a pussy”
yep, now I have a plan
July 28th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
You have an LED foot? Can you type your own messages in and have them scroll across?
I’m sorry that was a pathetic comment.
July 29th, 2008 at 12:39 am
I would kick everyone’s ass at UNO.
I just state the facts.
Also lets trade dads. My dad drinks coors light. Your dad is all international.
July 29th, 2008 at 1:14 am
Damn! The contrast effect must have made for some serious confusion growing up!
PS. Your boyfriend! Eek! I’m still giddy for you!
July 29th, 2008 at 1:15 am
My parents are like this too. We definitely know who to go to for what
July 29th, 2008 at 3:06 am
your mom and dad sound like the good angel – bad angel dichotomy (the ones on your shoulders that whisper advice).
or wait, maybe that was planned by your parents way ahead of time…?
July 29th, 2008 at 3:18 am
The only alcohol my parents are aware of is beer, and kosher for Passover wine. I had to explain to them what a margarita was. I’m talking yikes.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Ah, parents….
July 29th, 2008 at 10:23 am
My mom actually pretends to be much cooler to other people than she is with me. I’ve had that same convo about the drinking 1 drink and driving, but whenever friends come by or even my husband – she’s all, “here – have a beer!”
I don’t know who she’s trying to fool…
July 29th, 2008 at 11:40 am
How cute.
When I was in high school, I totally knew how to game the ‘rents. Dad didn’t care what the hell I was doing or with whom, he cared about when I was getting home. So if I didn’t plan on a late night but didn’t want to share details, I asked Dad. Mom, on the other hand, didn’t much care when I got home, but she wanted every bloody detail. So when I wanted to stay out late, she was my pick.
July 29th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
yeah when i was growing up i couldnt watch shit because of my mom. but you know what the best part is? growing up and discovering that your mom is just as bad as your dad…
July 29th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
LOL holy crap your dad sounds like my mom!
July 29th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
omg i love patron.
also, our parents play pretty much the same roles. haha
July 29th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Ah the units! You Dad sounds like he is full of good times, your Mom, while I’m sure is fun in her own way, worry never gets you anywhere. Half the stuff you worry about never happens!
July 29th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Maryland cops are superior to Virginia cops in coolness factor. They’re still kind of a-holes, but better at the very least.
July 30th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
My parents are kinda uptight unless they drink. Maybe THEY should have a shot of Patron.
July 30th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Makes you wonder how your dad knows that MD cops are cooler than VA cops?! ha! Your dad is cool. But it sounds like your mom keeps everyone in check. Otherwise, both of you would probably be dead by now. Crazy kids.
July 31st, 2008 at 1:26 am
Sounds a bit like us, hubby’s sometimes a bit crazy, especially when drunk.
Now I drive most times, either sober or at least almost & not with half a case of beer and some shots
*shudder*
But we changed a bit and usually stay at home to do *it* now these days.
I don’t think anyone in my family really makes a fuss out of one or two beer / wine or anything like that.
Bad or good? Dunno