Blog Rant
Posted by Deutlich on July 11th, 2008 | Filed under: UncategorizedOk, so this is a free world and you can really do whatever the fuck you want in your own blog. However, this doesn’t mean I have to like it.
1) Every time I see someone write, “FIRST!!!” in a comment section, I want to go to their blog and tell them how fucking stupid their being. Because I like to pretend to be nice, I tend to refrain from this. Maybe one day the waters will part and the clouds will align JUST right and I’ll actually do it
2) Super, duper, retardedly long entries are fucking obnoxious. Look. My reader is subscribed to damn near 200 blogs. Unless you have something really fucking important to say, for the love of all things crispy, don’t write an entire novel per entry. Some writers are damn good at keeping such entries really interesting because it’s not entirely filled with fluff or filler. The majority of folks are not. Let’s pretend I’m sitting next to you and you just.won’t.shut.up about the lint that always transpires in your belly. In real life? I’d tell you exactly how you we’re boring me to tears. In blogland, I skip the entry all together. If it’s got to be long, at least say something. Please!
3) Entries with no spaces. I don’t know about you all, but my eyes react involuntarily upon seeing such a thing. Spaces between paragraphs are a GOOD thing. I promise.
4) Yammering on about the exact same thing for months on end is fucking annoying. Again, it’s your blog. Do as you see fit. But if you’re still bitching about Ugly McFucker who did you wrong 3 years after the event happened, you’re the idiot for caring too damn much. Move on. Even I have done this dumb shit. Thankfully, I heed my own advice.
5) Bloggers who pretend they don’t give a crap about their readership, yet check their blog stats 50 Million times a day. Grab a clue.
6) There’s more, but it’s Friday. I’ll spare you.
Obviously I am the Queen and the aforementioned actually matters. I mean, duh! I’m Deutlich! Don’tcha know!
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Uhm. Please note the sarcasm. I’m just another schmuck on the interwebs. If you’ve somehow gotten offended by my lovely little rant, maybe you should re-evaluate what’s important.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:46 am
The FIRST! thing bothers the ever loving crap out of me. Why does it matter if you’re the first commenter?
July 11th, 2008 at 11:49 am
SECOND!!!
July 11th, 2008 at 11:51 am
The First thing is beyond retarded. Also, I am I a weirdo for not EVER checking my stats? Is this something I should be doing or at least interested in?
Huh. I am an anomaly.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:52 am
200 blogs??? You are a blogging super hero.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:54 am
I agree. ESPECIALLY about loooonng ass posts. Oof. We all have them in there here and there, but constantly? It’s too much.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Ha. I do the first thing to one particular blog I read. But only because it’s kind of a joke between him and a few of his readers. Brookem knows what I’m talking about.
As for the long ass posts…i totally agree. Once in awhile? Acceptable. Every single post? I usually end up unsubscribing to them in my reader because I end up just skipping over it every day anyway. Why keep it in my reader if I’m not going to read it?
July 11th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Confession- I just skim some of the super long ass posts and make generic comments.
I’m kind of an asshole like that.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Lucky #SEVEN
I will full heartedly admit I secretly wish to be popular amongst the interweb…my sitemeter might say I have 20 page views a day, but ten of them are from me!!! I’m one of “those people.” hahaha
July 11th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
…and by 7, I meant 8. Good times!
July 11th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
#2 gets to me. I skip them as well. I don’t have the time.
Other complaints: no capital letters, poetic-coded bs writing that doesn’t make sense, too long of paragraphs…
I better stop. I could go on!
July 11th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Ugh, the long posts drive me maaaaaaad. Seriously, if it looks too long, I just won’t read it. I can’t focus for that long. This is why I post 62421 times a week because I just can’t do the long drawn out thing.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Oh and people who just seem like they are trying to hard to move people with their words and get that, “OMG THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. YOU’RE THE BESTWRITERINTHEUNIVERSE” comment. You can totally tell when someone is forcing it.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Dude, I hear ya. All of that bothers the crap out of me too.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Another for your list… the people who comment just to say “Huh, I don’t have anything to add… just wanted to comment!” or words to that effect. Say something or don’t, but don’t want space by telling everyone how little you have to say.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
but but but, I can’t help but continuously write about Diana! I’m going to be doing it until she’s 13 and I kick her out of the house…
Now if you will excuse me, I have to check blog stats…
July 11th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
The FIRST thing makes me want to pull my hair out! I can’t take it either. A part of me feels sorry for people who do this because they look like fuck-faces all over the internet. Ugh!
And the spaces.
If I see a blog entry without proper spacing, I don’t even bother to read. I have more important blogs to read from people who have proper blog etiquette
July 11th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Jesus. Now I’m all fuckin paranoid…. Do I write too long of posts?
Oh well. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. (But I secretly want you too, cause I always check my stats. Well at least 3 or 4 times a week. Yes I am a huge dork and want people to like me.)
July 11th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
I have honestly never seen anyone do the first thing. I understand your complaints though. I worry that my entries might lean on the novel side sometimes. I hope not. I try to make them short and sweet. Because like you..I don’t usually read it if it’s too long.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
I loved this.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
but Ugly McFucker really did ME wrong!
haha, I just loved that one.
also, I really love when people who have long, long posts, use bullets instead.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I’m the same way with long posts, ESPECIALLY if they lack the proper spacing. To me it looks like one big long run on sentence.
Although I think I may be queen of novel sized posts. I will admit that I nodded along and went “Oh Deutlich was DEFINITELY talking about my blog right there.”
PS how fun are your little icons?!?! Ha! little monsters. love it!
July 11th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
i think you speak for so many of us with this post.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Let’s not forget the “come look at my blog” forum/comment posts!!
July 11th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
First.
I would say all this stuff bothers me, but I do every one you talk about.
I’m not funny.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Lspoon – Exactly!
M360 – Jerfkace
Kali – Dude, NO! Don’t do it! It’ll drive you bananas for no good reason.
Narm – Or crazy..
Brookem – DUDE! YES!
Sicilian – Precisely.
Meghan – I <3 you muchly.
Miz – Awww, I remember doing that in the beginning. Eventually, it started to drive me nuts. So, I steer clear.
Miz – hahaha
Kilax – yes.writing like this the entire post kinda bugs me out too. especially if there’s a city, like new york, involved. Capitalization is fun. And something we learn in grade school.
Jamie – I LOVE your posts.
Carrie – Gah, that IS obnoxious.
Mom – You know I <3 your blog, right? RIGHT?! Cuz I do.
Dolce – Fuck-faces? Bwaaahahahahahaha
Sassy – Aww! No need for paranoia! I’m just some random schmuck off the nets. Seriously.
Ashley – I mean, some posts REQUIRE some lenght, you know? It’s the super, duper, extreme ones that wig me out.
Apollocreed – You? Enjoyed a rant? Wait? YOU?! No way…
Christie – Bullets are fantastical.
Ashley – I am quite fond of those lil’ monster thingies too. Wordpress is my bitch.
Almost – Score!
Ben – Oh.Em.Gee YES! THANK YOU.
RS27 – Actually, you are. And I <3 you for it.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
I couldn’t agree more about the spacing thing. If someone can’t space correctly I unsurbscribe right away.
I think everyone at one time or another has a post that is too long but regularly writing long posts is un-needed and apparently (after reading the comments) not read anyways.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
i hate the “first” thing and i despise LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG paragraphs.
i am queen of putting a space between every sentence.
everyone has a long post every once in awhile but i don’t understand how one types on and on and on and on. phew. i don’t have time for that! ha
July 11th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
I can’t stand the ones that are a series of pseudo-questions.
Because I? Get annoyed when I’m reading it to myself in my head. Because the question marks? Keep making my head voice go up an octave.
THAT SHIT drives me nuts.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
You tell ‘em, girl! Check and check to all of the above. I’m actually rather guilty about the obsessing topic, but I excuse myself because my roommate was insane, and since I was living it and the experiences were all new, at least the complaints were new. Grin!
July 11th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Having just posted my longest post ever in the history of my blog, I laughed out loud at number 2. Yes, long posts–especially with no spaces–can be tiresome.
But then again, I am guilty of writing about the same thing over and over and over again, so I can’t be too judgmental. Cause like Christie said, “Ugly McFucker really DID DO ME WRONG. WAAAAA.”
(And I am now replacing my word of choice ‘loser’ with Ugly Mcfucker because that is just priceless.)
July 11th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Yeah, a lot of times I just skip the too long, unspaced blog entries. After skipping for a while, I just unsubscribe. Obviously, I am not in their target demographic, no problemo.
The bigger issue is blogs that automatically play music, MySpace-style. That really grinds my gears.
July 11th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
I’ll see those six and raise you a word verification, and basically ever having to leave a comment on a blogger site where they won’t save my login information if it isn’t my Google account.
And like that other commenter, I totally have left generic comments on overly-long posts in the past.
Thanks for writing this, I couldn’t have said it better myself!
July 11th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Oh, I heart you. Well put!
July 11th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I wanted to do a whole FIRST thing here, but not actually first…but the number comment I am… and honestly I’m too lazy to count. I think it’s like THIRTY FIRST!!!!!!!
July 11th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I would like to second everything you say except I think I’m guilty of the long post thingy sometimes — but I have pictures? Does that help?
And I agree with Jaime the blogger/poets/Nicholas Sparks writers who emo their entire post just rub me the wrong way. It may be sincere but it just reeks of cheesy.
The whole “come see my blog” or “here’s a link to my blog” in the comments just strikes me as discourteous. It’s just blogger spam.
July 11th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Fuck yes! Every blogger should be required to read this.
Have you considered writing a Bible for Bloggers?
July 11th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
The super long posts bother me as well, although I usually just skip them so I can’t really complain
Of course there are exceptions, and I’ve written a few long ones myself, but I try not to go on and on and on.
I am totally guilty of checking my stats though. What? It gives me something to do!
AND I’m still a Jared Leto fan. I can’t deny it
(good thing no one said they hate the excessive use of smiley faces)
July 11th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Ben added the one that I was going to add. That particular blogging behavior drives me insane.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
I Heart You!!! Have fun on your vacay!
July 11th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
The thing I hate the worst, more than any that you’ve mentioned is when bloggers write, “Where’d everyone go? How come no one comments anymore?”
And paragraphs. If I see a post in my reader that has none, I mark it as read.
July 11th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
People on YouTube do that “First!” thing too. The thing is, comments take a while to show up on a page, so you end up having about 50 dummies saying, “Woo-hoo, I’m the first!”
July 11th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
hear hear! but i can actually get down with the long posts even though i subscribe to as many blogs as you do – i just use them as bedtime reading. but only if they’re telling a story. and featuring a princess is usually a plus.
July 11th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Ok, I’ve done the first thing once or twice as a joke. But I don’t do it every time. And occassionally I write a long post… but it doesnt matter, no body reads my blog anyway…lol!
July 11th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
I must confess, I do care about readership – and I check my stats WAY too often. But partially it’s cause they’re really interesting! Honest!
*Princess is a loser*
July 11th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
I really hate that FIRST thing. Seriously. And there’s usually a few in a row too. I’d rather have 3 comments that MATTER, than 300 that are just FIRST! SECOND!! THIRD!!!! ZOMG!!!
July 12th, 2008 at 3:04 am
When a blog annoys me I just take it off the reader. Sometimes I feel bad about it because it’s something everyone else reads, but….oh well. I too have too many blogs to read to be futzing with crappy ones.
July 12th, 2008 at 5:49 am
woohoo, I LOVE rants!!! Thanks for that one.
I’m totally with you on the “first” thing, I went to perez hilton’s site ONCE and the fact that every post had about a million people thinking they were “FIRST!” was so irritating. If you don’t have something to say, don’t comment, I always think. What are you accomplishing by proving you were there first? Some people have no life, I assume.
Oh and I like so@24’s idea of you writing a blogger bible, good call!!!
July 12th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
I completely agree with you. Especially about long posts. Soooo obnoxious, and usually boring too..
July 12th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
The entries with no spaces? Kill me! The super long posts? Better be good or I skip them. I work full time at a job with no computer access. This means I catch up on my 125 blogs outside of work every day and on weekends in addition to writing my own. For the love of all things good, keep it to the point!
/end rant
July 13th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
I agree with many of your points. My biggest peeve is the LONG stretches of text that never end. My eyes and attention span can’t take it. I end up skimming and eventually not commenting because I’ve lost my focus.
July 13th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
I would have to agree… about EVERYTHING. I don’t see the “FIRST” thing much but it is rather annoying.
Long posts don’t bother me unless the person regularly posts long posts. I also either don’t read or skim and write a generic comment.
The other thing that annoys me is when people post like more than once per day CONTINUOUSLY. This one blog I USED to read posted, on average, 3-5 times PER DAY.
July 13th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
I always try to delete whatever isn’t necessary in a post – because, really, I skip the long posts, too. (Mostly, sometimes they’re fab!)
I stop subscribing to blogs that are too whiny, too long, or boring. I’m not a saint like you, apparently.
I’m all about the spaces, too.
Also! hate the generic commenting and commenting just so someone will come look at your blog. I could go on…But I’ll spare you.
July 13th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
I’m sorry my blog posts are so long. You don’t have to be mean about it. Just don’t read them!
July 13th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Long posts – guilty as charged. But does it count if there’s a space between every line because they’re mostly dialogue? At least then I’m not a “long paragraphs” offender. The word count is still low!
And if something is a big story – no matter if i want to write it all at once – i split it into posts labeled part 1, part 2, etc. This seems to make people happy.
July 13th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
Ooh, addendum… the thing I love most about my blog stats is not the hit counter, it’s the thing that tells you what sort of google searches sent people to my blog. Who out there is looking for “red stapler MRI” and “michael owen sick cat” anyway?
July 14th, 2008 at 12:25 am
I know I’m an offender of the long-form posts thing. That’s just how I write. That’s why I only post once or twice a week. I think it evens out.
But I’m not offended if people don’t want to read my blog as a result. Some people like long-form, some don’t. It’s just the way it is.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Thank you! This was highly accurate. I too can’t do long blog posts with no paces. My brain panics and forces me to skip to the next blog.
Though I admit, sometimes I have to watch the length of my posts as well – though it can be easier said than done. Working on it…
July 14th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Well stated!
The first thing really annoys me. REALLY annoys me.
Also, people who comment with awful things to say. Okay, I love receiving comments, don’t get me wrong, but when they comment just to say something you wrote was dumb.
Ugh.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
My blogging pet peeve? People who will do anything for hits.
E.g., I’m going to blog twenty-two times about Grey’s Anatomy because I know people watch it!
E.g., I don’t like google search terms because they are funny but because OMG my blog needs more hits!
Blah.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
I agree with the above comment about the spontaneous music. So obnoxious.
I agree with you about the long posts. If it is a blogger who I truly enjoy, I’ll read the whole thing. If it’s just a bunch of filler from someone I enjoy reading less often, I usually skip it.
July 15th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
I’m last!!!!!!!!!
yeah hate that. ok i’m probably the one who still talks about their no go ex after years, but when i write abou him i make spaces in my paragraphs ;p
July 15th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Frick, I am totally guilty of one and two. Shit. Have a good vacation.
July 17th, 2008 at 10:19 am
I refuse to read the blog of anyone who “first!”s.
And I agree with most of your complaints. Every 6 months or so I write a crankyass post insulting most of the blog world. Which, of course, decreases the number of readers I have.
Thankfully I just don’t give a crap about such things.
July 21st, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Yeah, I definitely write the incredibly long posts. It’s just my writing style, and I write for me, not other people. I think that’s the only one I have checked off though. When I check stats, it’s usually followed by a “who the fuck in Belarus is translating my page?” or to see the fun searched terms.