Mind Your Own Business
Posted by Deutlich on April 28th, 2008 | Filed under: UncategorizedI often wonder what makes people feel they have the right to stick their nose in business that is not their own.
It’s gotten to a point now where I really can’t handle hearing about a bunch of stuff that doesn’t pertain to me. Blogging, naturally, gives us an insight on people’s lives and I’m all right with that.
I am the one reading them, after all.
But what I can’t get down with is this incessant need to needle the most mundane information out of folks about shit that doesn’t matter.
As I was having brunch with my mom and some family friends yesterday, a vast majority of the discussion kept veering towards another family friend’s impending marriage.
I’ve known Marlon for about 18 years, so I am QUITE happy for him. I also think it’s adorable that he’s made this relationship work despite the fact that she’s studying in Texas.
This is sort’ve where it gets hairy. The parental unit and her friend started yammering about the most nitty gritty details about his fiance’s life. What she’s studying, where she’s from, what she’s doing, how sweet she is, etc etc etc.
While I understand that mom’s are perpetually nosy – it’s written in their job description, I’m sure – I just can’t get with it.
I’ve offended my mother on more occasion than one when exclaiming, loudly, that I “JUST DON’T CARE!”
Because truthfully? I don’t.
If Marlon is happy? I’m happy. If Marlon feels she’s the one, then so do I. Past that? I don’t particularly give two craps about what she’s doing or her life story.
Maybe I’m callous. Maybe I’m a jerk.
Maybe I just can’t deal with an overload of information that won’t affect me one way or the other?
I think, somewhere along the line, I stopped giving a rats ass because I tend to care too much. I would cement myself in situations that I had no business bothering with. I’d try to affect change in other people when I only needed to focus on myself.
Truthfully, I was a nosy ass bitch.
But I learned my lesson… and it was damn hard, might I add. I got burned along the way and stabbed in the back and hurt in more ways than I can describe.
So, now? I just don’t want to go there anymore.
Apparently, I’ve gotten so extreme with it that I’ve veered in the exact opposite direction I once was heading in.
Maybe I need to learn a happy medium? Then again, I figure worrying about myself, my family & friends is enough. I really don’t need to bother with much information past that.
April 28th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
I’ve been there too. I start caring too much when I’m in no position to judge or make informed decisions about someone else’s life. It’s easy to give up now because I absolutely have faith in the judgement of my friends but what about when I’m older and it’s my child, niece, nephew or whatever? Could I butt out then? Probably not.
April 28th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
“Maybe I just can’t deal with an overload of information that won’t affect me one way or the other?”
Yes. I second that emotion.
I actually think it affects my blogging too. I (mostly) can’t be bothered to share mundane details because I don’t care when I hear about other people and their horseshit.
(Probably sounds harsher than it actually is.)
(Is anyone else getting long-ass and hard to decipher word verifications all over blogland today?)
April 28th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
I’m totally with you.
But that makes me worry that I’m completely egocentric. I care way more about my own life than other people’s lives. And, to some extent, I expect them to care about my life.
Huh… Maybe that’s part of why I blog?
April 28th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Naw, your not a jerk. Like you said you’ve learned your lesson.
April 28th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Your attitude overall sounds pretty good to me. I mean maybe it’s a bit more extreme than I would be but whatever. It’s more relaxing for you for sure.
April 28th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
I find it funny how people want others to care about the random details of their life. Like what is going on with their cousin or their favourite flavour of yogurt.
April 28th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
i think sometimes it is better (and necessary) to not know it all. i dont think it means you are callous, not at all.
April 28th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
No one likes a nosy ass.
April 28th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
I don’t think that makes you callous. I would call it polite!
April 28th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
I need to take some lessons from you and just *care less*! Seriously, sometimes caring really sucks…
April 28th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
I really need to work on caring less sometimes too. Caring too much is definitely one of my flaws.
April 28th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Amen sister.
April 28th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Texas girls = awesome
‘nuf said!
but I do agree with your point!
April 28th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
I understand not wanting to get involved in bad-mouthing a friend’s SO, but to not “give two craps about what she’s doing” might imply you think “you’re too cool for school” to take the time to get to know her. Showing interest in people (as long as it’s not in a negative way) isn’t getting into people’s business. Having no interest at all can be just as harmful as being a nosy bitch.
April 28th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
I could not agree more.
April 28th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Well they do call it a “happy medium” because that’s where most people find they are happy with it… nobody can judge what best suits your life except YOU though.
Does it bother you to be like this, or does it only bother others around you?
April 28th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Jack – I highly doubt I’ll be butting out when it comes to my own kids.. but there in lies a whole other issue where you have to explain and teach them things anyway. My mom? WAS ALWAYS RIGHT about EVERYTHING when it came to friends. It got kind of annoying after a while, haha.
Peter – It doesn’t sound harsh at all.
Saddity – Grazi
Angela – Eh, a certain amount of egocentrism is necessary, isn’t it?
Jess – Yes and yes.
Princess Pointful – DUDE. Exactly.
Ashley – Grazi
Rs27 – Dude, no.
Wickedly Scarlett – Caring is one thing, you know? Going overboard w/the worrying and the injection into someone else’s life because of caring? That’s not so good. And I”m not at all implying that’s what you do – it’s just what I did.. for too long.
Katelin – It got me into a lot (A LOT) of trouble.
Brookem –
Allie-gator – A friend of mine is from Texas… she really is all sorts of awesome.
Dolce – See, if she were standing right next to me, I’d absolutely engage in conversation. But all this yapping about her life when she’s not even present? Why for?
Surviving – I knew I could count on you.
Technodoll – It bothers others more than it bothers me. I guess that’s my answer, eh? I’ve found my happy medium, haha.
April 29th, 2008 at 12:01 am
I don’t even have the excuse of having cared too much at one point and been burnt. I just don’t care. Period. (Yes, I may be something of a bitch. Whatever)
April 29th, 2008 at 1:40 am
You are such a Capricorn.
) Stuff like this makes me smile. I love it when people act their sign!
Perhaps if you remind yourself that it really is a person’s nature that they behave in certain ways that turn us off, you’ll forgive them and just tune them out. Some people are programmed to be curious, which others call nosy. This curiosity obviously comes in different forms on different levels. At one of my jobs, when there’s a new employee, I start bombarding them with questions. They don’t usually ask back. That’s just them, and this is me. I’m very curious about people, so I totally relate to your mom in this case. Why do you think I want to know everyone’s birthday? It’s the quickest way for me to know as much as I can!
D There’s a certain level of satisfaction people obtain from knowing information about others. You don’t get a satisfaction from that because for the most part it really is pretty superficial information, and you would rather keep to the important stuff. I personally hate small talk. I don’t give two shits about the answer to, “How are you?” unless I sense there is something other than “ok”. I would rather jump right into heavy subjects with people, but I know that makes people uncomfortable, so I make with the common greetings and banter.
But anyway, in a nutshell (ok, so I’m beyond the nutshell), it’s simply personality differences, and you are younger, so you are more flexible, so just it’s best to just accept that your mom feels closer to people when she knows minute details about them or she’s just curious. For whatever reason, just tune her out and let her engage in something she enjoys.
)
April 29th, 2008 at 5:39 am
Hmm. Funny you wrote on this because I’ve been writing up a similar post to put on my blog about gossip. Or more specifically, why some people live for it and I on the other hand, I don’t give a f*ck.
I think you are taking the right path. No need to stick one’s nose where it doesn’t belong.
April 29th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
i have some serious peaks and valleys when it comes to this topic.
currently i’m in a deep valley of not giving a shit.
tomorrow who knows ; )
April 29th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Agreed. It’s because the people who are talking have nothing exciting in their own lives to talk about. My mom does the same thing, it drives me CRAZY!
April 29th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
my aunt and grandmother are the same way. i worry sometimes that i’m going to be like them, but i try to find a happy medium. clancy had a bachelor’s party this weekend, and it was for a friend of his i have met on numerous occasions. the “engagement” was sort of spur of the moment and they’re getting married in 2 weeks. so of course i was all “how did he ask her? why the rush? where are they getting married?”
he just laughed and shrugged his shoulders. i dunno. guys don’t talk about that stuff. sigh.
April 29th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Agreed. Sometimes less is more when it comes to gossip.
And I agree with Peter on the word verification part.
April 30th, 2008 at 12:17 am
I think you’re right. Well, maybe a happy medium might be better but, tbh, I think you’re doing pretty effing well the way you are now!
April 30th, 2008 at 1:42 am
I don’t think it makes you a jerk! I like what you said, if he’s happy then you’re happy… isn’t that what really matters??
April 30th, 2008 at 1:42 am
If she’s so far away, how can they know anything about her to judge her so harshly? And if he was raised right, how can they not trust him to be smart enough to make the right decision for himself? And if not, they’re his mistakes to make, imo.
But yeah, no drama in your own life makes you seek the drama of others. *shrug*
You could always just leave the room or something?
April 30th, 2008 at 3:50 am
I have nothing of post-related goodness to say. But since I have been mia, I haven’t yet told you how excited I am for you and maxie to move to my hood! Yay!
April 30th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
When will we all learn that gossiping never gets us anywhere? But still..I wish I could be like you and not give a shit. Aw ha. That is my new goal..I will not give a shit.
Hmm..
April 30th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
cause they have no business of their own
April 30th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
LAST?!! Yes screw everyone else, I place myself in the category of friend to Deutlich and am therefore more important than everone else
May 1st, 2008 at 12:11 am
Oh man, completely get that. My boys mum insists on constantly telling me about all the fam/friends and gossip with them. I don’t care, they aren’t my friends/fam and I don’t know half of them.
It’s a bit hard thought to turn around and say ‘Look I really don’t care.’ without being rude.
To my own friends or fam I would say that prob though.
May 1st, 2008 at 7:42 am
gotcha – having the boy’s mom living in a small town doesnt make things easy – she literally watches out the window to look at people walking by. of course, then she and the other housewives talk ‘did you see stephan walking with katrin? they werent hodling hands – i think they must be in a fight… oh, i heard she was pregnant and got an abortion and he is mad about it… blah blah blah’ its awful. at least most of what youre hearing is related to the truth!
May 1st, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I think the words Happy Medium should be removed from our vocabulary. It doesn’t exists.
May 2nd, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Well tell us how your really feel. LOL! I can totally understand not wanting to get caught up in anyones business. Why bother, people tend to not listen to others advice anyway and do what they want.
May 7th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
i’ve been there, too. i’ve cared so much about shit that i somehow get consumed by it.
fuck that.
i’m over it.
i feel a little bad when some people in my life go on and on about some stupid shit and i respond by saying, “omg, you’re giving me a headache.”
just a little.